Rockstar prances into the room with a bone in her mouth. She sits in such a way that she is directly within the line of sight of the chihuahua, Nacho.
Oh, hey. Did you notice I have a bone? Are you admiring its creamy eggshell coloring and sleek aerodynamic design? Perhaps you are wondering what this bone feels like when it is clenched between your teeth. Well, I will tell you, it feels powerful. When you are holding this bone, you feel hungry like the wolf. You feel like a tire-chasing, cat-chasing, bird-chasing, son-of-a-bitch. Are you thinking about the flavor? The hearty umami taste of rawhide? Yes, I see you are curious about it. It tastes primal and delicious. It tastes like the heart of a wild buffalo.
Nacho does not move, but pricks his ears and rotates his head.
You know what? You know what? I don’t like how you’re looking at my bone. I see you thinking about it. I know what’s going on behind those charmingly out-of-proportion ears of yours. You think you can steal my bone? Well think again. I’m like the David Copperfield of dogs, you look away and ‘poof’ it’s gone. Maybe it’s under a pile of laundry. Maybe it’s in the couch cushions. Maybe it’s buried in the pillows of humans’ bed. Maybe it’s in the female human’s stack of sweaters. The point is, you’ll never know because you’ll never get your tiny little lip-less jaws around this thing.
Nacho stands up and moves three inches toward Rockstar and her bone.
Oh. Shit. You did not just do that. Back the hell up. Back up right now. I am not even playing. Step away from my bone or I will cut you. I will put my teeth on your neck and shake you like the little crap-filled Webkin you are.
Nacho moves an inch closer.
Stand down! Stand down sir! I will pulverize you! I will turn you into a Dorito-crunch-wrap-gordita-taco and I will eat you and then I will vomit you up and eat you again!
Nacho finally backs away and lays down. Rockstar lays back down again, bone between her paws.
Oh, hey. Did you notice I have a bone?