Pieces of Conversations I’ve Had in My Life

February 7, 2014 | 2 Comments

image from clker.com

 

I can’t put any of this in my novel, because no one would believe it.  But here are some snippets of real conversations I’ve had in my life.

#1

As my daughter was playing at the park I noticed a man (older, not yet elderly)  pulling a chicken on a skateboard around the sidewalks that lined the play area.

“Nice chicken,” I said.

“She’s a guinea hen,” he corrected me, and then pointed out her black feathers and white spots.  “She’s great with kids.”

And then I just nodded.  Because what else do you say to a man pulling a chicken (excuse me, guinea hen,) on a skateboard?

#2

And then there is this conversation I had at work one day.

Childless Friend: “So is childbirth really that hard?”

Me: “Well, yeah, but breastfeeding is way harder.  I had to hire a lactation consultant.”

Mr. X: “Pshhh, lactation consultant!  I could be a lactation consultant”

Me:  “Actually, Mr. X, I’m pretty sure you have to be able to lactate to be a lactation consultant.”

Mr. X:  “Bah, it’s not that hard.  You put the baby on the titty.”

Me:  “Oh my god, you did not just say that.”

Mr. X:  “What?!?!?  The baby goes on the titty.  It ain’t that hard.”

#3

Here’s a mildly alarming conversation I had over the phone last year:

Bakersfield PD:  “How can I help you?”

Me:  “Well, this might sound a little weird.”

Bakersfield PD: (silence, as this is the police department and they  have witnessed all levels of weirdness.)

Me:  “When I pulled up to my house today, an elderly Armenian man in a Uhaul van pulled in behind me.  He said                   he had deciphered the code on my license plate and was here for the meeting.  I convinced him the meeting was canceled, but I’m a little concerned that he’s lost.”

 

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Lee Richmond February 8, 2014 at 8:19 pm

Great, Kelly! I must lea d a sheltered life. (Or maybe it’s just that I don’t live in Bakersfield …)

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kelly February 9, 2014 at 4:38 pm

Lee- Strange things do tend to happen in Bakersfield. Although, to be fair, one morning in Oakland I did see a woman riding a bike while wearing a blazer and no pants.

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