I imagine I’m probably the only possessor of XX chromosomes who went to see “Les Miserables” and hated it. I was told this was a really great movie. I was excited to see it. When I was in high school I saw the musical in LA and while I didn’t recall the plot, I remember being carried away by the production.
So this past Tuesday night I went to the movies fully prepared to be entertained and emotionally manipulated for a few hours.
What I got was a lot of tight shots of celebrities without make-up crying and singing.
I’m no musician and I’m no musical theater genius, but when you go to a musical shouldn’t the music, you know, sound good? I get it that they made the singing raw and intense but isn’t the cool thing about art that the artists do a better version of intense emotion than regular mortals? Some of the scenes in “Les Mis” had the disturbing feeling of looking in the mirror and bawling.
Also, I’m no famous movie director, but couldn’t you speed things along (and clarify things) by having five minutes of dialogue here and there? I have seen “The Sound of Music” approximately 261 times and I can assure this model is great: a little singing, some interacting, some singing again, everyone understands the plot, bada bing.
Okay. Now, for the singing while dying. Several people die in this movie. And they sing and sing and sing while they die. They sing so much that I felt like Elaine watching “The English Patient”. ‘Stop telling your stupid story about the stupid French guy who’s been chasing you and die already!’
When Javert threw himself off that bridge at the end all I felt was exasperation. ‘Well, if you were just going to kill yourself you could have done it two hours ago and saved us all a lot of agony.’
Lest you think I am some heartless, cynical b-word,  I about cried to about the point of dehydration during “Beasts of the Southern Wild”. If you want to see a film about love and conflict; vulnerability and strength; the ways we destroy and support each other, that’s your movie right there.
Hushpuppy stayed on my mind for days after watching “Beasts of the Southern Wild”. As for “Les Mis”, I’m just glad I survived the experience.
 Bargain night, so I only had to pay $798.
 Spoiler alert! Almost everyone dies in this movie.
 You know the one, rhymes with itch, technically means female dog…. oh, come on, bitch! Bitch! Lest you think I’m a bitch.